How to de-friendzone yourself in any relationship

Oxford dictionary defines a zone as an area distinguished on the basis of a particular characteristic, use, and restriction. Friends are close people who share common friends. Friendzoning is like someone grounding you not to fly to becoming a couple. Friendzoning that stage of a relationship when two people involved cannot take it to the next level. Sometimes people we meet can take it to the extreme to even familyzone us after friendzoning. This means you are now to treat each other as brother and sister. Obviously this means no more discussion of a love relationship.

First step is to find out if you are family or friendzoned by anyone. Look at things that a person does to imply that they are not free really into you. Men at times mistake friendly women for signs that they are interested.

Some women prefer to treat themselves as prizes ready to be won after certain terms and conditions are met. It’s a man’s ultimate adventure to do the chasing after a woman who feels sweet and friendzones him. Someone once said ‘If you want it, you face it’

Women normally friendzone if they no longer feel the attention and attraction. Sometimes getting too close to some people makes them follow predictable routines which get boring. Learn to compromise and do the unthinkable things like faking tears, buying flowers and washing her feet. Break the boundaries. Do what her brother and friends can not do. Whether it is her birthday gift, go beyond what an ordinary person would buy.

 Who said Love is not a tough game. You can never get new results doing the same things.

Find a motivation to remove the friendzone. They say marry your friend. There are those irritating old school statements ‘you are such nice person and you will get someone meant for you’, and ‘Sorry dear,I do not think of you that way’. Let us be friends. Life teaches us that the battles we do not fight are the easiest to win. The Bible is against us accepting rejections. In fact God did not give men a spirit of fear.

Refuse petty names from the word go. These are likely to ease their freindzoning motives. Insist on being called real names to show some seriousness. Names like my brother from another father are signs of danger. Why should one write dear as ‘dia’? Make your presence to be felt. Once in a while throw in lines describing your future as a couple in conversations.Fr example One day I will marry you. It can even be negative like I do not think a nice beautiful woman like you can marry a person like men. This will make her go on the defensive. She may want to prove you wrong. Communicate your thoughts indirectly. Show that you need to take it to the next level

Do not be her relationships counsellor. Refuse to listen and discuss her men issues. Tell her off in a nice way why she can not discuss other men in her life with you. Let her always think that it will hurt you. Present yourself as best alternative. For example ask her why she talks about losers when nice men like you are available.

Time is your best asset. Make sure that all your de-friendzoning strategies are on schedule and work within a timeline. You will not plan to defriendzone yourself for 10years.Obviously if you do not act first, someone else will. Remember it’s about who has the best game.

People who friendzone or family zone you normally are not sure if you are the right person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Proof your worth without necessarily trying too much to impress. This situation requires hard work and more time to get to know each other. It may not necessarily be love at first sight like most people. Have you met couples who have grown to love each other? Sometimes hate slowly becomes the love. Success of this mission requires persistence and taking no for an answer.

Unfriendzoning a woman does not mean you become a psycho because of desperation. Do not try to impress her because that never works. Do not be in her face every minute otherwise you will irritate her. Be yourself.

Ivan .N.Baliboola

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nbaliboola@gmail.com

Twitter:@mediasurgeon

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Why men have to lie to women

Do women prefer men lying to them? It is one question that bothers men. A woman will ask a man if he thought another lady passing by is pretty. What she is really asking is if she is prettier than her. An honest answer to this one may spell trouble but a blatant lie about her beauty works miracles. There are things you do not comment on negatively especially women hair so lies will save you.

I read an interesting quote from Mir Anas Hossain  that says ‘Stuck in a generation where loyalty is just a tattoo, love is just a quote and lying is the new truth’.

One would wonder why women love men who lie to them. The truth is most women can not handle the truth about them or their men. What a man does is to tell her what she needs to hear. Obviously women love mysterious men capable of pulling off surprise. Honestly this can only be pulled off with a pack of lies from a man. Everyone has those skeletons.

Lies can still be helpful with preparing a woman to receive the truth. Women always distance themselves from a man who wears his heart on his sleeves. A woman is likely to dump a guy who shows up with children on their first date.  If the man lies as he buys time of introducing her to the children question reality. They just do not want to know about the other woman or children in your life instantly. Sometimes a lie and then she finds out from other people works just fine.

Women are always in habit of making unrealistic promises that some men know very well they can not honour. If you found him drinking his entire life, do you think a bedside pledge never to drink again will hold?

Women love for fantasy and not forgetting friction. A man who can process lies into nice stories will be nice and lovely. This is an adventure to men. Men seem to notice that   if they tell a women what they want to hear, they submit blindly. This is irrespective if it being a lie or not. All you need is a rope to pull her wherever you want to go.

The women who play hard to get seem to endorse the idea of lies. You need to feel sorry for the man who needs to put up a show to be accepted. Desperation will push anyone to lie. Some women set high standards for men the first time they interact. In reality some men can not meet them. The man has to ferment lies to look like truth. Then men embark on hiring their social status. The man will lie about his job and hire a car since she says can not do public transport. The lies to the woman out of   his love. He may fear being rejected if he takes her to his ghetto or shows up on a date on a motorcycle. A man lying to a woman is not about to stop since one lie needs another to keep peace.

Ivan .N.Baliboola

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nbaliboola@gmail.com

Twitter:@mediasurgeon

Wordpress:nbaliboola.wordpress.com/

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Understanding sex addiction

Sex addiction is a big problem today as it was in the past.  According to Wikipedia, Sexual addiction, also known as sex addiction or sexual dependence, is compulsive participation or engagement in sexual activity. Masturbation, prostitution, watching pornography, illegal sexual acts like rape and adultery maybe signs that help is needed. Sex addiction renders a person unproductive and may destroy their future love life.

“A healthy sexual appetite can be controlled. If sex is unavailable, it is disappointing but not devastating,” says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author of The Real Thirteenth Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs. “With a sexual addiction, the addict feels desperate to have his or her sexual outlet, no matter the cost.”

Sex is a basic part of human nature, and healthy if done at the right time with the right people. It’s easy to pick up any addiction with the ever changing internet and media trends. Erotic or pornographic literature is readily available in all ways. Let’s face it, we are all tempted everyday but it’s about self control .No one gets a woman and makes them sleep with a man. The solution to sex addiction is self-control. There is a clear difference between love and lust. There is the Power in words such as ‘NO’. This means that decision has to be made by you to stop not anyone else. Scientists have linked Sex addiction to childhood history of sex violations and low self esteem. Some feel love comes from sleeping with others.

Stopping Sex addiction is not easy but it starts with Making up your mind .Destroy all sexual related literature and materials .Get another hobby to replace sex addiction. You can only replace a habit with another habit. Every time you feel like having sex, then jog or take a walk.

There is some controversy about whether people can become addicted to sexual behaviours, including watching porn. The first study to investigate brain activity in "sex addicts" uncovered remarkable similarities with people addicted to drugs. University of Cambridge researchers performed brain scans on 19 men watching pornographic videos. Same reward centres of the brain were activated as when addicts see their drug of choice. They were all obsessed with sexual thoughts and behaviour, but it is uncertain that they are "addicts" in the same way as a smoker is addicted to nicotine. The team of researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging to observe the changes in brain activity caused by watching pornographic videos. They compared the brains of people with compulsive sexual behaviour and healthy people. These are all areas that become excited in addicts when they see their drug of choice.

Sex addiction can damage a relationship. There is a movie called ‘Addicted’ about a married woman of two children struggling with sex addiction. Having sex three times a day was not enough to her. She starts cheating with two other men to get satisfaction. You can also pray to your God to provide courage to overcome.

If you feel you need help, you can also start the journey of recovery by visiting a counselor.Look for local Sex Addicts Anonymous support groups in your neighbourhood. Visit https://saa-recovery.org/ for   help.

Ivan N Baliboola

nbaliboola@gmail.com

Types of women all men must avoid dating

Men must be selective so that they pick a treasure not baggage for their journey of love. This article looks at types of women a man should avoid. Sometimes it’s not the problems of men that affect the success of relationships. Some women are a piece of work and you will require a human manual which has never been in existence. It is better to avoid some than spend money on countless counsellor therapies to understand what you will never know.

Psycho. She is just a drama manufacturing machine. This is not about her mood swings.  The Ugandan word to define her will be Katala. She starts thinking after a crisis. This type of woman wants to harvest all attention on earth. She is the girl who wants all your attention on her and when it is not, it becomes a community problem. If she is the type who walks in a group, she will be offended if you hug other people before her.

Psycho woman can beep a hundred times and makes it look like they are actual missed calls. She will use any public place to throw her tantrums. She can actually text and post to your social media accounts more than 30 times a day. She will want to be with you every minute. The time she is not with you will amount to cheating. These women go to the extremes to duplicate your car and home keys because they are insecure. This is not damage any man will want to own all their life. She gets physical with any relationship disagreement. You may have to buy a new laptop or car after every misunderstanding with an aggressive woman. She should be avoided because she is miss super glue. You can never break up with her. It’s her to get fed up of you.

Indifferent. These women are artificial and will never be understanding. It is  about their world and interests. They are selfish and literally beat you to swallowing her interests. The relationship will be peaceful if your focus on her interests and needs. These women are also known as egocentric. They are not bothered with other people’s feelings. They are usually the wasteful type. You may have to stock her yoghurt in the fridge before paying the Yaka electricity bill. She may take things on credit without your permission but hold up at gunpoint to clear the bills.

Cargo. This is the needy type of women. These are normally lazy and hate to work. She will get anything from you even if all you are left is fifty shillings. You may never have any personal related bonding conversation with her. She will always be listing her needs. She showers materialism every day. She is always asking for more like Oliver Twist. The Cargo type of woman is always on shopping sprees even when she visits you. She can even empty   a man’s house of things she will not use as a woman.These women never pay for their date bills and taxi fares. These are brought up to understand that men shall provide. The good thing with this type of woman is that they are easily impressed. They only stay loyal if you can still provide. These are easy to detect by men but they are so cunning. They will seduce a man till he obeys without reasoning. Her slogan is simple ‘what belongs to him is all mine but what is hers belongs to no one else.

Family woman. This is a People pleaser. These value family and you come second after family. The relationship relies on input of relatives. Everything is a family affair. Actually simple proposals about the relationship will first be presented and approved in a clan meeting. These normally come from broken families. Such women struggle with Low self esteem. This one will run a relationship as they family wants it. She will cancel your date over an abrupt family gathering.

Project manager. She is always coming up with mysteries and you are a project to her. Her second name is ‘read my mind’. She expects a man to guess her thoughts at all times. She always expects her man to solve her puzzles. This type of woman uses puzzle responses to gauge their men’s level of love. This type of woman should be avoided; even a normal text reply may start a misunderstanding if you wrote ‘dia’ not dear. Few men are interested in dealing with constant guessing games.

Quite woman. These ones never talk and may never you know when they are pissed or happy. You are confused since you are not sure if she may poison you or not. For a man, a talkative woman is not a bad idea. Sharing a ride with this one is not a good idea. When there is no communication, any relationship can never survive.

Brainless. A woman who can not sustain an intellectual conversation with a man is annoying. You need an intelligent woman who will help with kids’ homework not the one who will use the homework paperwork to light a charcoal stove. Men actually enjoy women with some brains contrary to what has been said that men fear clever women. Less intelligent women are less confident and have low self esteem. Sense of humour by this kind of woman is usually farfetched. This one you a can not teach her anything including Google. 

Drone chic. This one is a control freak. She simply spies and rears her man like a cow. She will Spy on anything including phones or social media. She will want to approve Facebook posts. You will explain your journey and spending details to her when she wants to. She will even check for dust on a car bonnet if you told her you drove within town. Everything has to be done her way after permission. For this woman, her ideal relationship is less about compatibility, differences, and compromise. She is only happy if she is in full remote control of everything involving her man. A man may experience mistreatment if she slightly earns more money. Run from this one if you believe we live in a free world.

Single mothers. All single mothers should be avoided but they are hard paper. Sometimes they are commit phobic. Divorced ones may be easier to copy with since they have necessary relationship experience. A football team of children and men attached to one woman is surely a joke to any man. Man may be drained physically, financially, emotionally with such a woman. So look elsewhere for if you cannot handle her. You can never be the president of her heart for long. You will have military over throws like you where in Africa.

Ivan .N.Baliboola

Blogger

nbaliboola@gmail.com

Twitter:@mediasurgeon

Wordpress:nbaliboola.wordpress.com/

Blogger:http://mediasurgeon.blogspot.com