Why more girls are becoming commit phobic

Commit phobia is unwillingness to make something work .Commitment in relationships has been a hard thing for men since time in memorial. This could apply to simple things like a man accepting a pregnancy which could get their heart to race. Today, we have a growing concern over women increasingly refusing to commit to relationships. They fear to commit to a long term relationship, marriage and moving in. This fear can affect their careers, friendship and businesses.

Many may argue that they do not know any woman who does not want to commit but fear to commit is a real issue. Some women struggle to keep a hairstyle for even a day due to esteem issues. The U.S. Census Bureau reports single women are the fastest-growing segment of the American population. Unmarried women are one of the fastest growing demographic groups in America. Unmarried women have seen a huge increase in the number of eligible voters since 2000.

The idea of unmarried women on the loose was just unacceptable in African culture. Today most Ugandan women will testify to receiving immense pressure from relatives to get married after university. Many reasons may explain the sudden trend of women becoming less interested in committing to relationships. Being single does not mean you fear to commit but extreme disinterest in relationships may raise concerns.

The Rise of feminism may explain the less interest in committing to relationships. Some women feel independent and do not need to depend on a man for anything. This is true with career women who may feel that committing may limit them from going up the career ladder. She may need to travel for further studies but the family issues come in their way. The fear of starting a football team project of kids may tie them down. Women Emancipation ignores the value of marriage and the family. Some companies tend to shy away from employing reproductive active women.

There is changing perception about value of sex and respect for relationships..Some people feel they can still have benefits of a relationship without being in one. We see “friends with benefits” and “no-strings attached” relationships as a raising trend. This means you can have sex with someone whenever you need without any emotional attachments. Life continues normally hence no need to have   a man in their life. A lot of changes have changed the African tradition of courtship. There are many dating apps, dating agencies, reality TV on relationships that wrongfully depict commitment. Media has not helped the situation as it is pushing for hook-ups, ‘quickies’, and one night stands which are totally against commitment.

Past relationship experience may explain the trend of women fearing to commit .May be she was heartbroken and decided to take a break by not committing. History of failed relationships freaks out many as it puts on table trust issues.

It’s natural for a girl not to commit. Sometimes the reluctance to commit to a relationship is because of a lack of certainty about whether this is the right person for them .Some girls refuse to commit because person is not their type. It is not natural for a woman not to commit when the relationship is moving on well and refuses to take it forward .That is a sign she is commit phobic. Some women just go nuts when they are required to keep a promise. She looks at commitment as giving up all her freedom and she walk obviously want the opposite.

Perfectionist type of woman will obviously never commit. Worrying is their pillow. They fantasize about MR right. They worry too much even how someone kisses, looks, or spends their day. The list of unrealistic expectations can be endless. The Perfectionist craves for what they not have and will forever find more fault with all the would be partners. They are picky and stick to a checklist as though they were shopping groceries which cannot work on people.

Have you ever been given an ultimatum to commit? Sometimes the proposal to commit is communicated in a wrong way. Some people simply force others to commit and issue ultimatums. Pride and anger may come to play and she refuses to commit. Rushed requests for commitment are always suspicious. Less than a month and one party in the relationship wants to take the relationship to the next level. That may cause panic to a girl’s head.

Women must learn to ask themselves what they really want. Why would you breakup with someone you love because of commitment fears after getting close? Loneliness hurts. Commitment may affect your goals at times, but it’s just your excuse. Get ready to make decisions when you cross the bridge. The reason of the commit phobia usually lies in the woman’s past. Failure to steer away from the past makes anyone to sabotage all future relationship opportunities. Communicating frankly about fears to commitment with concerned people may work magic.

Ivan .N.Baliboola

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Twitter:@mediasurgeon

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How to de-friendzone yourself in any relationship

Oxford dictionary defines a zone as an area distinguished on the basis of a particular characteristic, use, and restriction. Friends are close people who share common friends. Friendzoning is like someone grounding you not to fly to becoming a couple. Friendzoning that stage of a relationship when two people involved cannot take it to the next level. Sometimes people we meet can take it to the extreme to even familyzone us after friendzoning. This means you are now to treat each other as brother and sister. Obviously this means no more discussion of a love relationship.

First step is to find out if you are family or friendzoned by anyone. Look at things that a person does to imply that they are not free really into you. Men at times mistake friendly women for signs that they are interested.

Some women prefer to treat themselves as prizes ready to be won after certain terms and conditions are met. It’s a man’s ultimate adventure to do the chasing after a woman who feels sweet and friendzones him. Someone once said ‘If you want it, you face it’

Women normally friendzone if they no longer feel the attention and attraction. Sometimes getting too close to some people makes them follow predictable routines which get boring. Learn to compromise and do the unthinkable things like faking tears, buying flowers and washing her feet. Break the boundaries. Do what her brother and friends can not do. Whether it is her birthday gift, go beyond what an ordinary person would buy.

 Who said Love is not a tough game. You can never get new results doing the same things.

Find a motivation to remove the friendzone. They say marry your friend. There are those irritating old school statements ‘you are such nice person and you will get someone meant for you’, and ‘Sorry dear,I do not think of you that way’. Let us be friends. Life teaches us that the battles we do not fight are the easiest to win. The Bible is against us accepting rejections. In fact God did not give men a spirit of fear.

Refuse petty names from the word go. These are likely to ease their freindzoning motives. Insist on being called real names to show some seriousness. Names like my brother from another father are signs of danger. Why should one write dear as ‘dia’? Make your presence to be felt. Once in a while throw in lines describing your future as a couple in conversations.Fr example One day I will marry you. It can even be negative like I do not think a nice beautiful woman like you can marry a person like men. This will make her go on the defensive. She may want to prove you wrong. Communicate your thoughts indirectly. Show that you need to take it to the next level

Do not be her relationships counsellor. Refuse to listen and discuss her men issues. Tell her off in a nice way why she can not discuss other men in her life with you. Let her always think that it will hurt you. Present yourself as best alternative. For example ask her why she talks about losers when nice men like you are available.

Time is your best asset. Make sure that all your de-friendzoning strategies are on schedule and work within a timeline. You will not plan to defriendzone yourself for 10years.Obviously if you do not act first, someone else will. Remember it’s about who has the best game.

People who friendzone or family zone you normally are not sure if you are the right person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Proof your worth without necessarily trying too much to impress. This situation requires hard work and more time to get to know each other. It may not necessarily be love at first sight like most people. Have you met couples who have grown to love each other? Sometimes hate slowly becomes the love. Success of this mission requires persistence and taking no for an answer.

Unfriendzoning a woman does not mean you become a psycho because of desperation. Do not try to impress her because that never works. Do not be in her face every minute otherwise you will irritate her. Be yourself.

Ivan .N.Baliboola

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nbaliboola@gmail.com

Twitter:@mediasurgeon

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Why men have to lie to women

Do women prefer men lying to them? It is one question that bothers men. A woman will ask a man if he thought another lady passing by is pretty. What she is really asking is if she is prettier than her. An honest answer to this one may spell trouble but a blatant lie about her beauty works miracles. There are things you do not comment on negatively especially women hair so lies will save you.

I read an interesting quote from Mir Anas Hossain  that says ‘Stuck in a generation where loyalty is just a tattoo, love is just a quote and lying is the new truth’.

One would wonder why women love men who lie to them. The truth is most women can not handle the truth about them or their men. What a man does is to tell her what she needs to hear. Obviously women love mysterious men capable of pulling off surprise. Honestly this can only be pulled off with a pack of lies from a man. Everyone has those skeletons.

Lies can still be helpful with preparing a woman to receive the truth. Women always distance themselves from a man who wears his heart on his sleeves. A woman is likely to dump a guy who shows up with children on their first date.  If the man lies as he buys time of introducing her to the children question reality. They just do not want to know about the other woman or children in your life instantly. Sometimes a lie and then she finds out from other people works just fine.

Women are always in habit of making unrealistic promises that some men know very well they can not honour. If you found him drinking his entire life, do you think a bedside pledge never to drink again will hold?

Women love for fantasy and not forgetting friction. A man who can process lies into nice stories will be nice and lovely. This is an adventure to men. Men seem to notice that   if they tell a women what they want to hear, they submit blindly. This is irrespective if it being a lie or not. All you need is a rope to pull her wherever you want to go.

The women who play hard to get seem to endorse the idea of lies. You need to feel sorry for the man who needs to put up a show to be accepted. Desperation will push anyone to lie. Some women set high standards for men the first time they interact. In reality some men can not meet them. The man has to ferment lies to look like truth. Then men embark on hiring their social status. The man will lie about his job and hire a car since she says can not do public transport. The lies to the woman out of   his love. He may fear being rejected if he takes her to his ghetto or shows up on a date on a motorcycle. A man lying to a woman is not about to stop since one lie needs another to keep peace.

Ivan .N.Baliboola

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nbaliboola@gmail.com

Twitter:@mediasurgeon

Wordpress:nbaliboola.wordpress.com/

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Understanding sex addiction

Sex addiction is a big problem today as it was in the past.  According to Wikipedia, Sexual addiction, also known as sex addiction or sexual dependence, is compulsive participation or engagement in sexual activity. Masturbation, prostitution, watching pornography, illegal sexual acts like rape and adultery maybe signs that help is needed. Sex addiction renders a person unproductive and may destroy their future love life.

“A healthy sexual appetite can be controlled. If sex is unavailable, it is disappointing but not devastating,” says Tina B. Tessina, PhD, a psychotherapist and author of The Real Thirteenth Step: Discovering Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs. “With a sexual addiction, the addict feels desperate to have his or her sexual outlet, no matter the cost.”

Sex is a basic part of human nature, and healthy if done at the right time with the right people. It’s easy to pick up any addiction with the ever changing internet and media trends. Erotic or pornographic literature is readily available in all ways. Let’s face it, we are all tempted everyday but it’s about self control .No one gets a woman and makes them sleep with a man. The solution to sex addiction is self-control. There is a clear difference between love and lust. There is the Power in words such as ‘NO’. This means that decision has to be made by you to stop not anyone else. Scientists have linked Sex addiction to childhood history of sex violations and low self esteem. Some feel love comes from sleeping with others.

Stopping Sex addiction is not easy but it starts with Making up your mind .Destroy all sexual related literature and materials .Get another hobby to replace sex addiction. You can only replace a habit with another habit. Every time you feel like having sex, then jog or take a walk.

There is some controversy about whether people can become addicted to sexual behaviours, including watching porn. The first study to investigate brain activity in "sex addicts" uncovered remarkable similarities with people addicted to drugs. University of Cambridge researchers performed brain scans on 19 men watching pornographic videos. Same reward centres of the brain were activated as when addicts see their drug of choice. They were all obsessed with sexual thoughts and behaviour, but it is uncertain that they are "addicts" in the same way as a smoker is addicted to nicotine. The team of researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging to observe the changes in brain activity caused by watching pornographic videos. They compared the brains of people with compulsive sexual behaviour and healthy people. These are all areas that become excited in addicts when they see their drug of choice.

Sex addiction can damage a relationship. There is a movie called ‘Addicted’ about a married woman of two children struggling with sex addiction. Having sex three times a day was not enough to her. She starts cheating with two other men to get satisfaction. You can also pray to your God to provide courage to overcome.

If you feel you need help, you can also start the journey of recovery by visiting a counselor.Look for local Sex Addicts Anonymous support groups in your neighbourhood. Visit https://saa-recovery.org/ for   help.

Ivan N Baliboola

nbaliboola@gmail.com